Humor - Signs Across America

This is a collection of signs seen across this great land of ours.

On a diner's billboard: "Eat here or we'll both starve."

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a radiator repair shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On maternity ward door: "Push, Push, Push."

On a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a scientist's door: "Gone Fission."

On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

In a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."

In another butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."

At a used-car lot: "Second-hand cars in first-crash condition."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

Outside a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

At a dry cleaner's: "Drop your pants here."

On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On a music teacher's door: "Out Chopin."

At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you would pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a beauty shop: "Dye now!"

On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."

In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

On the door of a music library: "Bach in a minuet."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."

Contributed by: Anonymous
Sunday, August 24, 2003

Please let me know if you know the correct source for any of the humor pieces. I want to be sure that original sources are credited appropriately.

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