Humor - Graduate School(tm) - The Game

Hey kids, check out the cool new game that's sweeping the nation! Be the first on your block to own a copy of "Graduate School(tm)™: The Game" from TenureCo, the makers of such classics as "Rush Hour Madness," "My First Blue Book Exam," "Little Lawyer," and "Johnny Tax Auditor."

With "Graduate School™: The Game" you can experience all the fun and realism of grad school in the comfort of your own home. Every nuance of the real graduate experience is reproduced in this game. The game takes you through the whole process:

• Application
• acceptance
• classwork
• research
• data analysis
• psychoanalysis
• authorship battles
• boring talks
• confusing talks
• long talks
• incomprehensible talks
• Depression
• Social Isolation
• Job Hunting

Call all your friends over for years of wholesome fun.

Check out these great features of "Graduate School™: The Game:"

Choose Your Own Character

• Jill: the emotionally unstable ABD
• Fred: the naive first-year
• Harold: the overwhelmed and underfunded RA
• Laura: the disgruntled TA
• Jaques: the exploited international student
• Backstabbing Caroline: the political opportunist

Confront a Wide Array of Interesting Opponents

Throughout your quests in strange and exotic lands you will encounter people who apparently receive great joy at your misfortune, in fact they are a major cause of this misfortune:

• Administress: the evil secretary with her dreaded red tape
• Prof. Rewrite: if he gets on your committee you're doomed
• Metoo: A fellow grad student who becomes a dead weight on all your projects
• Ronny: The smelly undergrad RA who scares all your subjects away
• Partytime Pamela: Invites you to time wasting parties every other night
• Prof. Touchy-Feely: A sexual harrassment case waiting to happen
• Rod Starr: Super Grad Student, makes you look bad by graduating in 12 days
• Susan Stickyfingers: Your kleptomaniac officemate

Real Life Challenges

Pick a Setback Card and see what fun adventures await you:

• Join a Committee: Research slows down 1/2
• Videogame attack: Lose 12 turns playing Snood
• One More Analysis: Repeat all previous analyses
• Dissertation Scooped: Go back to "new candidate" status
• Get Drunk at a Conference: Spin the Faculty Insult Wheel for your penalty
• Advisor Retires/Moves/Changes Interests: Start over
• Car Towed: Sell your stereo to get it out of hock, lose motivation To name a few...

Different Ways to Finish!

Most games are boring. They have a "winner" and a bunch of "losers." The goal of "Graduate School™: The Game" is different. There are no winners in grad school, only survivors and failures. Your goal is to be a survivor, that means different things to different people. There are a wide range of ways to survive:

• Go to law school: Successfully escape
• Marry rich: Don't worry anymore
• Find God: Science is for fools
• Family: Change your priorities
• Capitalize on one of your ideas and make millions: Ah, engineering...
• Graduate: ???

"Graduate School™: The Game" -- Look for it in stores near you!

Contributed by: Anonymous
Sunday, August 24, 2003

Please let me know if you know the correct source for any of the humor pieces. I want to be sure that original sources are credited appropriately.

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